Friday, February 26, 2010


ROAD RUNNER Pictures, Images and PhotosWell, today was my first day back to the gym! I also re-started the Couch to 5k Running Program. I had done it over the summer and got up to week 5 when I quit. But with soccer starting in less than a month, I NEED to start running! So, today was my first day of the program and it was quite easy even though I sweated like a pig and my face was BEET RED.... I feel so proud of myself after my workout though and I need to remember this feeling to stay motivated. My plan is to go to the gym at least 3 days a week and do Pilates and/or Yoga the other days. The running program requires 3 running days a week and with my hectic school schedule, it works out! I'd like to start running on the road though since treadmill running is much easier. But considering we just got about 4inches of snow here, it'll have to wait a week or so. :)

My breakfast wasn't so good. We have these damn pre-cooked sausages in the house that I just CANNOT stay away from! So I had 1 egg, 2 turkey sausages, 1 english muffin, 1 hash brown with organic ketchup. Humph. Lunch was a small salad and an orange and dinner will be a turkey sandwich on 1 slice of whole wheat toast (split down the middle) with a little mayo. We'll see....

I'm not drinking tonight since I have to be at a registration meeting for soccer tomorrow morning at 9am. Who the heck plans these meetings for 9am on a Saturday morning? But whatever. I'm going to the meeting in my gym clothes so I'll hopefully hit up the gym afterwards.

Today was a weigh-in day and I've stayed the loss, no gain. Not surprised. I've been seriously slacking.

Part of my problem is lack of money. I go to school full time and only work part time, bringing in about $300/mo which JUST covers my bills. I've applied for a second part time job working with Au Pairs. Making sure they adjust to their "families" well. It's been a week since I've applied, plus I have a friend who recommended me since she's already an employee. I just want to know already! I NEED to start buying my own groceries.

Ever feel like things just don't go right for you? I also can't file my taxes because I'm missing a W2 form...I've contacted the job twice so far. SOOOO frustrating. Plus I need it to apple for student loans and TAP assistance which hopefully will leave me with some money leftover...I'm trying to remember The Law of Attraction and to stop focusing on what's WRONG, because then things will continue to go wrong. Instead, I need to have faith in that it will all work out and focus on how it will feel when everything is settled. :)

Tonight was supposed to be a date night with me and the bf. All we ever do is sit around and watch TV. He's very sweet and he does always offer to pay for things if we order dinner or something but he's not very creative and he NEVER suggests anything! I'm particularly poor this week so I don't have money to spend on going out to dinner or a movie, and he said "that's okay, let's do it." (meaning he'll pay) but I always say "No, I feel bad..." just being nice but then that's it. He just backs down. When really I want him to be forceful and say, "We're going out, I'm taking you to _______." I know I sound like a whiny little brat...we've been together for 2 years and he's been like this since day 1. I just want him to say, "Get dressed tonight, I'm taking you out to dinner!". Know what I mean? Every once in a while he has. Literally I can think of 3 times in the past 2 years he's done that. I haven't seen him since Monday so I'm looking forward to spending time with him but I just don't feel like laying around watching TV, yet again, on a Friday night! As I'm writing this, I hear all the "experts" advice saying "TELL the man what you want! Men can't read minds." and I know that's true but I don't want to have to tell him to WANT to take me out! And his family is this way, so that's where he gets it from. They don't see the need to spend money on dinner when they could just cook at home.

Okay, I'll stop complaining now. Hope you all have a great weekend and stay on track! I'm sure as heck gonna try! :)

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Scale Was Kind!

Soooo, I haven't really been on the wagon the past two weeks, plus I have my period (I always gain a few pounds) but I've decided to make Friday mornings my week I did and Wii Fit said I only gained 1.5lbs in those two weeks! Now, I know it seems silly to be happy about a GAIN, but I was sure I gained the entire 5lbs back, PLUS I had a really heavy meal last night and I have my period and am retaining water so I'm hoping that I actually didn't gain any weight at all!

I feel motivated again and our soccer season is getting closer so I'm getting excited for that. Is it lame I want to look cute in my uniform even though I'll be surrounded by a bunch of girls??? LOL, I guess I'm thinking more about facebook pictures we may put up...

Breakfast: 1 apple with a little organic maple syrup and cinnamon

Lunch: about 1 1/2c. of whole wheat pasta and red sauce

and the rest is TBD...

I have YET to exercise though. Partly b/c of that whole gym scenario (which should be rectified by monday). I was able to let go of my anger by the way and my boyfriend and I are "fine" today. Whatever, I'm proud that I let it go and didn't turn it into a big huge argument (which I tend to do when I finally get mad). Oh, and the other EXCUSE is that our roads here in NY have snow on the sides and are still icy, so outside running is difficult. But I know I'm just making excuse after excuse, so exercise is next. GOTTA DO IT. I tend to over think things so I'm trying to think less and JUST DO IT...Thanks Nike. haha

Be well!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Men really were raised in barns...JUST BREATHE!

Mad Pictures, Images and Photos

So, last March my boyfriend bought me a year's membership to the gym. A few months into the membership, I started getting notices of Past Due amounts. So I ask them and they say the ATM card the fees were coming from had expired and they would need the new number. So, I tell my boyfriend this....and then again....and then again until he finally changes it. All is fine and well and a few months later the same thing happens again except this time it's because he closed that account and switched banks. So I tell him, again, and again, and again...finally at the end of December (after them stopping me each time I signed in to tell me I was overdue by 3 months, which was embarrassing enough) they told me I could no longer keep going as of Jan 1st. So I told that to my it is, February is flying by and I'd like to go to the gym and just renew it myself....the membership he bought me should be up the end of this month. Part of me is a people pleaser and I would just pay it myself but he makes me SOOOO MAD sometimes. The kid seriously does not have manners sometimes. Any normal guy would be mortified at this and would apologize for me having to ask over and over and over again for something that was supposed to be a GIFT! A gift I DID NOT ASK FOR, by the way. So he's giving me an attitude on the phone saying "I don't want them to have my card info, I'll just give you the cash"...which is fine and dandy but he never carries cash so I know I'm going to have to keep harassing him for it each time I see him. So I just asked that he swing on by the gym on Sunday since he'll be around that area anyway and he just acts like it's the biggest freaking deal. It drives me nuts. He's gotten MUCH better with chivalry things (let me tell you, he was a nightmare as far as that stuff goes. But finally he's learned to open doors, ask if I need anything, PAY for things, etc.) but my God, it's times like these he just still drives me nuts. It was his birthday last week and one of the things I bought him was GPS and I could tell he wasn't thrilled with it (he has every other gadget in the world) so I said I'd return it and try to find something he'd REALLY want, because I want him to be happy with his gift. I say I just get my money back and use that to pay off the gym membership and we'll call it even, since he's treating this like it's some business dealing. Anyone else have to deal with thoughtless men???? Don't get me wrong, he can be SUCH a sweetheart and when he does little things for me and buys me little presents out of nowhere, I literally tear up. I'm not a high maintenance girlfriend, believe me. It takes very little to keep me happy. OH, and to top it off, he tried saying that he figured he didn't have to pay for the gym since I don't go very often! Meanwhile, he's no gym whore himself...he just happens to be naturally thin.

MY ISSUE, however, is that I hold onto things. We ended the conversation on a tense note and he went to sleep. Tomorrow morning he'll be over it and will act normal whereas I'll still be mad. I've learned in holistic health that people who hold onto things like that, hold onto everything else: when they get sick from a cold or flu, it takes them longer to get over it than other people, weight is harder to get off, etc. etc. A quick fun exercise to see if you're like me: Take a DEEP inhale in....(stop reading and do it), notice if when you inhaled if your stomach extended or if your stomach sucked in and your chest extended? Your lungs are the length from your chest to your abdomen so when they fill with air, your STOMACH is supposed to get bigger. That means you're letting the breath fill the entire lung. People like me, only let the top part of my lungs fill up and I suck in my stomach not letting the breath all the way down. At first I thought it was silly, b/c I just never wanted to stick my belly out but all the rest was true. When I get a common cold, I have it for a MONTH. When I get mad, I'm mad for days. Losing weight is soooo hard for me, etc. etc. So I'm working on trying to let things go and honestly the easiest way I've found? JUST BREATHING! Now, don't get me wrong...I'm the happiest easiest going person you'll ever meet. It takes A LOT to make me mad...usually things that build up over time (like this gym membership thing has been building up since the summer). But anyway, when I find myself mad at him for such things as this I just concentrate on letting the air fill my entire lung, letting the breath drop. And after a little while I'm not mad anymore and usually a few hours later I don't even remember what I was mad at. Although I kinda want to keep being mad at him for some reason, it's not good for your mind or body to hold onto anger....sooooo, here's to letting go!!!

Now, if I could just let go of this damn weight!! It's bedtime...goodnight all. :)
P.S. I need to chart my weekly weigh-ins better...and I've obviously stopped the daily weigh-ins.... :-\ I'll start the new chart soon, once I can figure it out!
just breathe. Pictures, Images and Photos

Monday, February 15, 2010

Valentine's Day and a Pity Party

So Valentine's Day was nice. My boyfriend was fighting the stomach virus that's going around so he couldn't have a heavy meal, which was fine by me and my rolls of fat! So I went to his apt and he had bought me a teddy bear, a balloon, a dozen red roses and a new Wii game. LOL...I'm 27 years old but just a big kid. It was Mario Kart for wii, I LOVED it haha. He had also ordered us Greek Salads which was PERFECT for me! I looooove greek salads and I also didn't feel guilty about eating it. We just drank water. Until I came back home and my mom had left some vday Peeps in my room...I've eaten 5 since last night. :( I will throw the rest out, I swear.

I feel so lethargic lately. I'm getting my period so I have all the lovely PMS symptoms. I just feel like napping all day long and watching DVDs, but I have a few midterms this week so I must do a lot of studying. I'm also supposed to start the Couch to 5k Running Program again today. I hate running in the daytime b/c I know everyone in this town. So I'll save that for around dusk this evening. I HAVE to do it, I'll be so disappointed in myself if I put it off even another day. My Women's Soccer team starts up in a month and I really, REALLY do not want to embarrass myself too much. I played with some of these girls back in HS (10 years ago, my God...) and I was maybe 60lbs lighter then! :-\ I'm 5'11" which helps spread that weight around at least, but also makes me feel like a big huge monster as well.

I always feel like I lose my motivation around the time of my period. Got to try and re-light that spark today. Any ideas? I guess taking a shower today would help! LOL

I just feel like lying around today and feeling sorry for my fat self...Okay, this is a very boring blog and I'm just rambling on in no particular order. I hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day and found a few moments to love yourself!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Fell off the wagon, temporarily...and LEMON WATER

UGH, I'm so dissapointed with myself. I sorta fell off the wagon for 2 weeks and I have a feeling that it has a direct correlation with me not posting in 2 weeks. I had computer trouble and didn't feel like typing from a public computer...and consequently my diet seemed to go down hill as well. That's another 5lbs I could've been down but now I'm up 2lbs. :( And here it is, Valentine's Day weekend and I feel so disgusted with myself I'm hoping my boyfriend and I don't even go out to dinner on Sunday. Also, I have a work party with old co-workers of mine next week and I was so excited to be down hopefully 15lbs by then, but now that looks like it won't happen. It makes me not even want to go to this party and see this people and let them see how much weight I've gained. :(

Okay, pity party over...I'm back on track now...I HAVE to be! This morning I had a bowl of cereal, lunch will be a veggie burger on 1 slice of toasted whole wheat bread (I slice it down the middle so it becomes two very thin slices) and dinner will be steamed chicken and broccoli with brown rice. So I didn't meet my short term goals for upcoming events, I still have summer to work towards! AND St. Patrick's day-where I tend to run into a lot of people from HS and college, etc. So that's what I'm looking forward to now. :) Plus, being in the holistic health field, I feel like my advice and what I say would have more of an impact if I was in shape. Also, that women's soccer team I'm joining starts up in 5 weeks and I'd like to get into better shape by then.

Today will be about eating low glycemic again and drinking lots of water. Lemon water, to be exact. My holistic nutrition class taught me the importance of lemon water...and it just so happens to actually be my favorite beverage anyway. Some of the many benefits are as follows: it kills bacteria in your body, it helps prevent new bacteria from forming, good for colds, sore throats, asthma, liver complaints and helps to move your bowels. Here's a link to a webpage I found:

I guess it doesn't help that it's noon and I'm still in bed, huh? :-\ That's it, I'm ending this blog now, signing off and getting out into the world. Today I will paint my nails and tidy up my room and HOPEFULLY do some pilates before my date tonight. That's what's on my plate for the day, what's on yours?